Don’t Be the I-Told-You-So Know-It-All at the Party
Recently, a friend was describing a misunderstanding he had had at work due to simply not paying enough attention to what a coworker had said. His lack of attention had led to a bit of wasted time and then confusion at the end of the day when the wrong project had been completed. It was nothing major, just a small annoyance, but nonetheless, it could have been avoided had he paid attention when first asked.
- When he was done describing it, I responded with an understandable, “Well, next time, you’ll know.” Just as I said it, I realized that, while this is habit for many people, it’s not helpful because it can come across as condescending, like you know you wouldn’t have made that mistake, but you’re saying there’s some reason it was okay for someone else to.
- Due to that, I followed up by explaining that I really meant to say that the situation was unfortunate, but at least, it was just a simple misunderstanding and did not lead to any significant setbacks. The important realization for me was that there are plenty of times when it’s important to simply listen and not provide any feedback or to just sympathize. There’s no need to turn something of such little relevance into a lesson. Not putting forward a statement like that that can be perceived as judgmental can actually make a person feel closer to you, which, going along with this blog’s theme, can be quite helpful.
True enough – frankly, I’m happy the whole “tell it like it is” movement of the last few years is almost over. Having people get snippy with each other, then defend it by saying, “well it’s the truth” has really been grating.
Ha. True. Nothing worse than having someone get you worked up and then say something like, “Well, you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”
It is sometimes so hard though to not add your own commentary to your friends’ and coworkers’ stories, isn’t it? I suppose that it might be true, what they say, that the art of listening is rare in people. . . even me sometimes, sadly.
Nice article. Thanks.
Eugene
True enough – frankly, I’m happy the whole “tell it like it is” movement of the last few years is almost over. Having people get snippy with each other, then defend it by saying, “well it’s the truth” has really been grating.
Ha. True. Nothing worse than having someone get you worked up and then say something like, “Well, you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”
It is sometimes so hard though to not add your own commentary to your friends’ and coworkers’ stories, isn’t it? I suppose that it might be true, what they say, that the art of listening is rare in people. . . even me sometimes, sadly.
Nice article. Thanks.
Eugene
Thanks, Eugene. Looks like you have a pretty cool blog. I’ll make sure to check it out now and then.
Thanks, Eugene. Looks like you have a pretty cool blog. I’ll make sure to check it out now and then.
Did Seth Godin do a take off on my blog post from yesterday? Mine: http://tinyurl.com/5vmwfk His: http://tinyurl.com/5u3869
Did Seth Godin do a take off on my blog post from yesterday? Mine: http://tinyurl.com/5vmwfk His: http://tinyurl.com/5u3869
Eric – that can be an uncomfortable situation. I think its enough to just listen when someone has a challenge like that.
Joe “TheHairFarmer.com” Kennedy’s last blog post..Journalist For H1-B Sources
Hey Joe. Too true. So hard to know sometimes when to just listen and when to actively try to help, you know? Luckily, I felt comfortable enough that I could explain my intentions.
Eric – that can be an uncomfortable situation. I think its enough to just listen when someone has a challenge like that.
Joe “TheHairFarmer.com” Kennedy’s last blog post..Journalist For H1-B Sources
Hey Joe. Too true. So hard to know sometimes when to just listen and when to actively try to help, you know? Luckily, I felt comfortable enough that I could explain my intentions.